Wednesday, June 28, 2006

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

This is pretty good. Since my daughter is only six I should not need this for a while...



APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED
BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE,
AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.

1. NAME_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___
2. HEIGHT __________________WEIGHT ___________IQ______GPA_______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY# ______________ DRIVERS LIC#_______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS ______________ CITY/STATE ____________ZIP_______
6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT? ______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN___________________________________
7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED? _________
8. DO YOU OWN A VAN? ________________MOTORCYCLE?____________
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES? ___________WATERBED? ____________
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING? ____NOSE RING? ____
BELLY BUTTON RING__
9. WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU?
__________________________________________
10. WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU? _____________________________
11. WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?________________________
12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND? ________________________
13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR
FATHER?_______ MOTHER?___________ PRIEST/PASTOR? __________
14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL
ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT
WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________
C. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS
____________________________________________________

15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________
I CERTIFY THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE
AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF
DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION,
CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON
KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX
YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF
YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL
CAUSE YOU INJURY)

2 comments:

Libby said...

I love it!! I'm going to borrow this!

Heather Braoudakis said...

Awesome! I love everything under #14 in particular, especially the explanation of confidential. Seriously such a shame we have to even entertain the necessity for things like this - and there's so much more we can add. You have a good point that when you wrote it your daughter was only six. We do have to start early with our kids. Building into them can't start to soon, and the daddy/daughter relationship is so critical. We've been reading a great new, actually renewed, book. Great for all dads of daughters. We're loving it, so I have to share... It's called “She Calls Me Daddy: 7 Things You Need to Know About Building a Complete Daughter,” by Robert Wolgemuth. Originally released in the 90s, it was a best seller. His girls are grown up and give their own input along with their husbands who are daddies to girls. I understand 40% of the book is new material. It's so unique in this way. Robert puts the anxieties of Daddy raising his girl(s) to rest, guiding you through challenges and good times – protecting, conversation, affection, discipline, laughter, faith, conduct. So great for helping daddies learn to lead, love and cherish. I highly recommend it!
http://www.tyndale.com/She-Calls-Me-Daddy/9781589977853#.U7jH414Q7wI