Light Bulb Question

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

Change???

How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?

One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Or ... Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, since his/her hands are in the air anyway. Or ... Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They always use candles.

How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They can’t tell the difference between light and darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

This statement was issued: “We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted—all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

WE WANT GOD!

As I have said somewhere before I work across from the local public library and I am over there quite a bit checking out audio books. I started a new one this week.
John Paul the Great : Remembering a Spiritual Father by Peggy Noonan. It is turning out to be a pretty good book.

The thing I want to comment on now about this book is her narrative about when John Paul went to Poland after he became Pope. It sturrs may heart thinking about it. I can not imagine being there.

I managed to find a link to an article that Peggy wrote about it so I do not have to recite the account from memory: http://www.opinionjournal.com/columnists/pnoonan/?id=110006523

Here is the part that struck me and the part that I believe is relevant to us today in the American Christian church.

In the face of the Communist government and to the crowd of ‘more than a million’ John Paul gave a call to the people, people who had been under an atheistic government. He said to the crowd of over a million:

The people of Poland, he suggested, had been chosen for a great role, to understand, humbly but surely, that they were the repository of a special "witness of His cross and His resurrection." He asked then if the people of Poland accepted the obligations of such a role in history.

The crowd responded with thunder.

"We want God!" they shouted, together. "We want God!"

What a moment in modern history: We want God. From the mouths of modern men and women living in a modern atheistic dictatorship.

The pope was speaking on the Vigil of Pentecost, that moment in the New Testament when the Holy Spirit came down to Christ's apostles, who had been hiding in fear after his crucifixion, filling them with courage and joy. John Paul picked up this theme. What was the greatest of the works of God? Man. Who redeemed man? Christ. Therefore, he declared, "Christ cannot be kept out of the history of man in any part of the globe, at any longitude or latitude. . . . The exclusion of Christ from the history of man is an act against man! Without Christ it is impossible to understand the history of Poland." Those who oppose Christ, he said, still live within the Christian context of history.

Christ, the pope declared, was not only the past of Poland--he was "the future . . . our Polish future."

The massed crowd thundered its response. "We want God!" it roared.

How does this pertain to us in America today? We are not under communism and we have freedom of religion.
Today in America we Christians are under the tyranny of the Secular. Our freedom to express our faith in the public is being challenged with the very laws that were created to preserve our freedom. We are closer to the people of Poland than you might think.

So what can we learn from John Paul and the Polish crowd? How do we stop the slide of America to Secularism? How do we bring revival to the church? Christians must cry with one voice, ‘We Want God!’ The cry must be loud enough to ignite passion in the hearts of the ‘casual Christian’. The cry must be loud enough to drowned out the ones who want to remove all public displays of faith.

The prayer of Jesus that ‘…those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.’ needs to happen here in America. Sometime I wonder if ‘Denominalation-ization’ (NEW WORD?) of the church has done more harm than good. Yes, the Reformation needed to happen. But I think we got lost somewhere. We can not see the forest for the trees anymore.

Correct doctrine is a must but I think man’s pride and stubbornness broke the pursuit of it somewhere. I think it is ok to be unsure of things. Maybe God wants us to be a little unsure of things so that we never think we got it all figured out.

Maybe this is what is stirring in that hearts of some, this want to cry out in unity and with one voice “We Want God!” so all can hear and take notice.

To truly make a difference.

Happy Birthday Maddie!

My beautiful daughter's birthday was this weekend.


Happy birthday sweetie!

The 2005 Reference.com Most Looked-Up Words

Here is something interesting that I found.

These are the top 15 words looked up on reference.com. I believe these words give us a little insight into our culture.

One of the most interesting things that I noticed, in relation to the current topic of same-sex 'Marriage', is the etymology of the word sex (#1 search for word).

Sex, of course, can mean many things, but the etymology of this top search term is elusive. The word sex first appeared in English in the 14th century, adopted from Old French sexe, in turn from Latin sexus, a derivative of the verb secare 'to cut'. The relation of sex to cut is that the human race is "cut" or separated into two genders.

Two separate genders... That is a counter cultural topic nowadays.

Wherever you look (nature, history, bible) same-sex 'marriage' is a ironic (#8 most looked up word) oxymoron (#12).

Truth exists; only lies are invented. -- Horatius Bonar

The 2005 Reference.com Most Looked-Up Words

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ok, this picture is kind of lame and geeky but I am a computer geek at heart. This picture is 'old school' banner art.

Back in the 'old days' of computers you use to see in the data processing centers of the world these giant pictures that were made all of letters of the alphabet.

In true old meets new fashion, This program written in the latest technology (Microsoft dot NET for you fellow techies). Then, as a nice feature, lets you export to a gif file! ASCII art in GIF Format. Geeky through and through!

Double click on the picture and look close to see the letters if you do not believe me.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here is a link to the software: http://ascgendotnet.jmsoftware.co.uk/

Evolution Sunday?

Just in case your pastor did not preach on 'Evolution Sunday' this weekend (Thank the Lord if he did not, find a new church if he did) or you have never heard of it, here is a good link on the subject.

In praise of Darwin this Sunday - in hundreds of churches!

Basically Feb 12th is Charles Darwin's birthday and several 'pastors' are using this day affirm the 'compatibility' of evolution and the Genesis account of creation. It’s funny that the evolutionists do even see this…

This Sunday, over 400 congregations in 49 states in the USA will participate in what could be called a “Darwin praise service.” They will be celebrating (yes, that’s the word that could be used for many of the churches) the 197th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin. It’s called “Evolution Sunday.”

It is a shame that some of the worst enemies of our Lord are the very ones who claim his name!

DID YOU KNOW ??

Here is an interesting email that I received...

DID YOU KNOW ??

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

---

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

---

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

---

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.

---

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

---

Coca-Cola was originally green.

---

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

---

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

---

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

---

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

---

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

---

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

---

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

---

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

---

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

---

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

---

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

---

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

---

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

---

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

---

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

---

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

---

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

---

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

---

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

---

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

---

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

---

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."

It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

---

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

---

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

---

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

---

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
plae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Modern day Nathan? Bono prophet to the Church?

"One of the things that I picked up from my father and my mother was the sense that religion often gets in the way of God." -- Bono

...Imagine a so-called Christian society with the absolute capability to save lives in Africa that fails to act, Bono said. "You can explain that to the budget appropriators, but you can't explain it to God. He will not accept that excuse, and history won't."

I'll add to this. We (Christians) have the power to change lives in our own neighborhoods and towns. We have the answers that our neighbors, families, and friends need to change their lifes.

Bono speaking of how he sees Christianity and religion speaks volumes to the problem of the Christian church in America today. The hypocrisy of Christians is no secret to the world.

The article Bono Waxes 'Prophetic' in Christianity Today reminds me of the confrotation of David by Nathan:

Then the LORD sent Nathan to David. And he came to him, and said to him: "There were two men in one city, one rich and the other poor. "The rich man had exceedingly many flocks and herds. "But the poor man had nothing, except one little ewe lamb which he had bought and nourished; and it grew up together with him and with his children. It ate of his own food and drank from his own cup and lay in his bosom; and it was like a daughter to him. "And a traveler came to the rich man, who refused to take from his own flock and from his own herd to prepare one for the wayfaring man who had come to him; but he took the poor man's lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him." So David's anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, "As the LORD lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! "And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity." Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! Thus says the LORD God of Israel: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 'I gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more! 'Why have you despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in His sight?…
(2 Samuel 12:1-9)

So what do we do about it? How do we change the church? I think we can learn from David's example:

So David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." ...
(2 Samuel 12:13)

Confess our sin to God. Don't wait for your friends, family, or church. It starts with me and you. Individual repentance and revival is the key to revival in the church. Then "put our money (and actions) where out mouth is."

Here is a teaching called Choose The Life. I think it is the key to revival in the church.

original article: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/106/12.0.html

This task was appointed to you...

This task was appointed to you, and if you do not find a way, no one will.: "In The Lord of the Rings, Frodo stumbled many times on his journey to Mordor, but the words of Lady Galadriel kept him going: This task was appointed to you, and if you do not find a way, no one will.
Men need to hear a similar message when they come to church: We need you desperately. God has a sacred role just for you, and if you do not do your part all is lost. Think of the men in your congregation. Do they know how important they are? Has anyone ever told them? Have the women of your church ever hosted a dinner for the men to let them know how needed they are?"

This is a drum that I will play till the day I go home to be with the Lord. A core of Godly men must be the core of any local church. Men confident in their salvation and a passion for the lost. More than not the local church, in pursuit of making nice guys, chase the real men off, or worse yet, turn a passionate, 'dangerous' man into a nice guy.

Men are warriors, they need to win, conquer, or accomplish something. Potlucks, fellowship meetings, singing love songs ‘to Jesus’, and being ‘In love with Jesus’ does not appeal to a ‘Man’s Man’. These are not bad in themselves but if this is all your church offers then your congregation will be all woman and little old men.

Give a man a purpose bigger than himself, encouragement, and the tools to do the job and he will give his life (literaly) to the task. Sounds like something Jesus might have done.

source story: http://www.churchformen.com/eNewsletter%20archives/01February2006.html